What’s On

An advertiser’s confession to the priest

An advertising guy goes to the priest and says, “Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have shamelessly praised products and services all year long.”

The priest – who is still young in body and soul – doesn’t immediately see what the problem is and asks, “What’s wrong with that, my child?”

The advertising guy stammers, “Well, you know, I may have exaggerated the magical powers of those Finish dishwasher tablets a tad. And I might have fibbed a little bit about the terms and conditions of that AT&T subscription. And to be honest, I knew there aren’t really any truffles in Aldi’s pasta. And, father, I may have sometimes been pretty annoying with those Lavazza family stories and that Thomson monster and pushy too. Everybody’s already got three TVs. But I still want them to buy a curved 50-inch screen for the guest room.”

The priest interrupted this litany of confessions, “Well, well, that’s quite a list you’ve got there, what would you like me to say, my son?”

“Well,” says the advertising guy, “My client and I have, of course, already been punished by winning the Lead Lion for the Netherlands’ most annoying commercial in 2015. Isn’t that enough father?”

“I don’t think so my son, I think you should give up that commercial circus altogether for one whole month. And for four weeks create altruistic advertising that oozes warmth with lots of happy people, children and emotion, tonnes of emotion. Give up taking for a month, my child. Give, give!”

“What’s up with all this ‘give, give, give’, father, I’m not Saint Nicholas ya’ know!”

“Neither am I,” the priest grumbled. “Why don’t you follow the example of those nice advertising campaigns for John Lewis, BBC and Toys-R-Us. Or Microsoft that makes peace with Apple by having employees sing a carol in front of the Apple store!”

“But don’t you think that’s a waste of money?”

“Oh my goodness no, my son, one good turn deserves another. You’ll reap the rewards of it next year.”

The priest peeks through the slit in the curtain and sees the next sinner arriving and concludes with the words, “Just get the heathen Mulberry commercial that compares handbags to Jesus offline, wash your hands in holy water and your sins will be forgiven my child.”