According to a Huffington Post article a few days ago, there are seven ways you can be an insufferable *** on Facebook. So how many do you think you are guilty of?
1. The Brag. Or what I prefer to call The Boast Post. Apparently these can come in 3 distinct forms:
• The I’m Living the Life boast (eg. Guess who is going to Hawaii?!)
• The Humble Brag aka the Undercover Boast (eg. I guess it’s just easier to get an A* these days?!)
• The I’m in the Best Relationship Ever brag (eg. What a lucky girl I am being whisked away to Paris by my amazing boyf!)
2. The Cryptic Cliffhanger. One for the real attention seekers because it only implies that something good or bad has happened (or might happen) without providing any actual details and therefore it almost demands a enquiring response from the reader (eg. I’m never doing THAT again!)
3. The Literal Status. For those with zero imagination and / or with little regard as to what really matters in life. Mundane at best, mindless at worst. (eg. Going to the shops)
4. The Inexplicably Public Private Message. A public posting, often just to an individual which is (more often than not) of a strictly private nature between the 2 individuals but weirdly posted on their walls for everyone to see. Often done on purpose and generally linked to a Boast Post – see section 1: The Brag (eg. Wow what a night! You really are a naughty girl aren’t you?!)
5. The Random Oscar Acceptance Speech. An attention seeking, often over the top declaration (usually involving an expression of love and / or fake e-tears). Often posted because the person is feeling a bit lonely, it’s usually posted after midnight and they have probably been at the Gin. Again. (eg. I want all my friends to know how truly amazing they are and that I totally love you all for being in my life!).
6. The Stating the Bleeding Obvious. Often posted around a big event, a bland statement which is so mind numbingly obvious / tedious that you can easily imagine that your puppy / kitten would have an infinitely more profound opinion (eg. Obama reelected for a second term – yay isn’t that great!)
7. The Step Toward Enlightenment. A pearl of unsolicited wisdom. A priceless nugget of information. A zen-like statement which is meant to make you stop for a moment and reflect on its genius and that of the person who posted it. The problem is that none of this smart stuff came from the person posting it. More often than not it is copied from a greeting card company and reposted. (eg. Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without). Ugh.
And after writing this, I must admit, I feel quite ashamed. I’m guilty of them all at some stage. Damn you Facebook. What have you turned me into?
But I reckon there is one that the Huffington Post missed out. The eighth and most irritating sin committed on Facebook. Bet you can’t guess what it is?!
(NB. Before you say it, I know — I just committed deadly sin number 2 again right? God I’m such an attention seeking narcissist.)
The author, Steve Blakeman, is the CEO of OMD Asia Pacific
Mr Blakeman is a Contributor to Digital Market Asia’s editorial commentary; more of his views can be found under his column #sowhoknew that kicked off on September 26, 2013…